On my marks

It seems like a race against time.

As I grow older, I discover far more things that I could do than maybe when I was younger. But I also feel far less enthusiastic than when I was in my teens.

So as we get exposed to greater choices, some promising to make our lives better, we also get caught with excuses and chores. And blaming a busy work schedule isn’t simply good enough. Actually, blaming anything or anyone doesn’t do any good either.

My fanatic commitment towards my work is waning almost as quickly as it shot up. Not to say that I don’t look forward to a good brief or working on one…just that the silence I have been living with for the past 8 months has been speaking to me. Probing me, hinting suggestively till I see what I’ve been missing. And now, I sometimes flirt with the idea of simply calling it a day at work for a lot of days and just pursue whatever I couldn’t at work.

I don’t mean retirement; it’s more like a sabbatical. Except that I have realised that I cant take those breaks, say once or twice a year…but I have to do it everyday. Little by little build upon all that I wish to build, acquire new tastes, test new abilities, tickle passive aptitudes. And understand that not all can be fulfilled by my job.

So what do I do?

I’ll just say that everyday I try to do something, no matter how little in effort but resounding in effect, something that lets me know more about the world, and at times, more about myself. And I know that I am not getting any younger. And I sometimes get overwhelmed with the feeling of the effort being too inadequate, too slow, and too little to make much of difference too soon.

But considering I have come a long way in the past 8 months to acknowledge how much there is left to do, I know I am getting there.

I think it’s not really a race against time as much as it is against yourself.